E-guerrilla

HEREBY INVITING YOU TO JOIN ME

2011-05-11T13:06:00.000-07:00

Hi, E-guerrilla followers-- Just wanted to let you know that E-Guerrilla is now at www.booksbnimble.com/blog . Well, actually I couldn't take the name with me, so I think I'd have to say E-guerrilla IS the blog now known as www.booksbnimble.com/blog/ . I'd sure appreciate it if you'd "follow" me there as well. It sure is nice having you here!

Just to complicate things further, I also have a second site and second blog as well! It's http://cursebustersbook.com/, where I blog as myself as well as the two characters in my new YA book, CURSEBUSTERS! But that's all a huge job. So I'm trying to mostly post at the cursebusters site during the next couple of months, since the book is just out. I'd love it if you could follow me there as well. (I'll also try to double-post on bbn for your convenience, but I may not have time for the
pix! ) Love you, appreciate your kind attention, and hereby inviting you to stick with me! Julie

Weekend With the Grandes Dames

2011-05-03T11:40:00.000-07:00

Margaret Maron

I seem to have grown up. Last Thursday I took off for what I thought was going to be a weekend with the girls--aka Malice Domestic, a gathering of mystery fans and writers--and ended up hanging with the distinguished grandes dames Nancy Pickard,

Nancy Pickard

Margaret Maron, and Sue Grafton. About three days ago we were the Class of '82, more or less ( that year, definitely, for Sue and me, '81 for Margaret and somewhere around there for Nancy). We were all so bright-eyed and hopeful. Who knew what the next zillion years would bring?

Sue Grafton

But looking at the way the fans worshipped those ladies, I realize that, yes, my friends really have achieved grande dame status, and how lucky I am to have been in that class. We kicked some butt. We woke up the tired old cliche-ridden detective novel and breathed new life into it. It was a Renaissance! So imagine my surprise when, about a year ago, I heard those exact same words come out of the mouth of Dennis Lehane, with regard to HIS class, not surprisingly all boys except for Laura Lippman and S.J. Rozan, who received only glancing mentions. Maybe every generation of writers feels that way,

But I digress. (Sorry, that incident made quite an impression.) What I meant to say is that if you want a weekend of laughs and giggles, spend it with the grandes dames. What a great time! Now Malice is a convention celebrating the "traditional mystery," which generally means one a good deal tamer than either Sue or I write. But she was there to be honored for Lifetime Achievement and I was there actually as her most devoted friend, but officially to interview her.

Which I did, amid many more laughs and giggles, and if I do say so, I was able to uncover a major scoop regarding the iconic mystery writer. I harangued her in the manner of Barbara Walters until she gave up the Youtube channel that uncovers the heretofore closely guarded secrets of her private life and revealed it to the assembled masses. Thus, the cat, to severely mix a metaphor, is out of the bag. This cat has feathers. For enlightenment, proceed instantly to YouTube and plug in the secret code:
stevenhumphrey6100 . And then eat this blog.

E-Book Pricing and Big Bucks

2011-04-27T08:38:00.000-07:00

Mike Shatzkin

Mike Shatzkin, who knows more than anyone about digital books just wrote about pricing, and also dropped a dynamite plug for self-publisher John Locke. (That is, he's a self electronic publisher) Has anyone read him? Shatzkin seemed to think he was the new Lee Child. (Well, he didn't say that--he just pretty much said Locke's as good as they get.) Where have I been?

He MUST be good. According to Shatzkin, Locke made over $100,000 in March! Jeez. If he does that every month, he's raking in $1.2 million a year!

But pricing. Well Mike had a lot to say, so first, the link: http://www.idealog.com/blog/ . Locke sells his books for 99 cents and challenges Big Six publishers to prove their books are ten times better. You can bet Mike has some ideas about that.

This, to my mind is the most fascinating thing he said: "Sooner or later, a big publisher or two will start seriously experimenting with this. They will gain knowledge that will enable them to tell an author or agent, “we know things about pricing that are worth real revenue to you if you publish with us.” When that happens, it will likely be more significant to an author than an increase in the ebook royalty rate would be. Maybe a publisher can even add enough value with pricing savvy to pay for their cut!"

John Locke

Now that is a thought!

But wait, I can't thinking about Locke. I just Googled him.

He's only written four books! (Well, four in his best-selling series.) Mike based his piece on a Wall St. Journal story built around Locke--http://on.wsj.com/dYer7A --that indicated he was being conservative. The WSJ said Locke's March take was $126,000! Get this: "In March, he sold 369,000 downloads on Amazon, up from about 75,000 in January and just 1,300 in November."

'Bye, now. I'm off to download a Locke title. Just gotta see what I'm missing.

THE CURSEBUSTERS! VIDEO'S HERE

2011-04-21T13:15:00.000-07:00

CURSEBUSTERS!, my YA paranormal time-travel, coming-of-age adventure, complete with feisty teen-ager and talking cat, isn't out for almost another month, but you gotta see the trailer anyhow.
You just gotta. It can't wait.

COMING SOON: A BOOKSBNIMBLE EXTRAVAGANZA

2011-04-19T15:37:00.000-07:00

Good girl goes bad: Abby Buchmeyer as teen-age burglar Reeno Dimond

We're got a new video! Almost got it loaded up. But here's the news: We produced our first video (other than author interviews) in a cool eleven months. The new one: Four days flat! We might finally be getting the nimble part down.

This one's a trailer for my upcoming YA book, CURSEBUSTERS!, an actual print book published not by us, but Bold Strokes Books. But publishers usually don't do videos. We're exceptional that way. So who ya gonna call? Us, of course. Despite past glitches. Like the time the streets ran pink with blood. Light pink. What we learned from that one: 1) Always check the props. 2) No need for that phony stuff anyhow. Ketchup works just fine.

On the set with Monster Kitty Boy and cat wrangler Adrienne Parks, b.g. ; that's Andy Forest getting down to the co-star's level

For this one, we were a little unnerved by the W.C. Fields admonition never to work with kids or animals. Because the CURSEBUSTERS! trailer had to have both--a kid star, a roomful of kid extras, and a cat. Actually, a talking cat. But guess what? Everything went like we were MGM! What we learned--get the right personnel. The kid actors came from the acting program at Metairie Park Country Day School, the star recommended by a teacher, the others recruited by the star. And that would be Abby Buchmeyer, who proved the very personification of my unruly character Reeno. Well, I mean she proved able to PLAY Reeno; there was actually no indication whatsoever that Abby is the type of girl who'd ever consider burgling as a career.

The cat? Well, we just plain made a feline discovery, that's all. Our co-star didn't come out of any acting program, but he did turn in a great audition. Meaning he didn't take anyone's face off. However, we still had our doubts. A.B., the ninja assassin cat in the book, is a gigantic orange beast, while the co-star, Monster Kitty Boy, is a well-bred Siamese. But a great actor can make you believe anything. If the lovely brunette Abby can make us think she's a pink-haired burglar, then a Siamese could make us believe he's not only murderous, but British. Aha! Didn't see that coming, did you? Well, Monster Kitty Boy does an amazing British accent.

As for our intrepid guerrilla videographer, Andy J. Forest deserves his own blog entry. So stay tuned.

THE TIME SAM SPADE WENT TO CHURCH

2011-04-12T12:30:00.000-07:00

Sam Spade recently attended church, though if he weren't immortal, he'd probably be spinning in his grave over it. (On the other hand, a lot of people might think it's high time.) What happened was, I gave a talk on THE MALTESE FALCON at a library and one kind attendee decided to try the book out on her church reading group.

Can you imagine the scope? I don't know if they approached it in a churchly way, but, really, the moral ambiguity! There's sure plenty to talk about. What I'm pretty sure about (from her subsequent letter) is that they approached it in ways that were different from the way a writer might. This writer anyhow. I'm hardly ever one to analyze what a writer was thinking (like that green light in Gatsby. Unless Fitzgerald actually said what he meant it to mean--and maybe he did, I don't know--I'm just not crazy to second-guess him.)

I learned to be leery about this when Eudora Welty came to speak to my college writing class and some kid asked her about symbolism. In that gorgeous lilting southern accent she said innocently, "Symbolism? Why, I don't use symbolism in my books." She drew out the "I" to about three syllables.

"Uh...Miss Welty, hello? Phoenix?" the kid said. "As a character's name?" "Oh, Phoenix," she said, "I've always thought that was such a LOVELY name."

Well, no doubt she was having fun with him, but still, a writer looks at things differently. If I'm analyzing why a writer did something, I'm much more inclined to look at a mechanical reason--he needed a vehicle to make X happen, for instance--than a fancy metaphorical reason. This is because the writer's focused on telling the story rather than obscuring it, I think. But the brain is what it is, it tells stories differently and it loves symbols; so they end up in a work of art whether they're intended or not. It makes connections that the simple and hapless writer might not have even suspected. And so I pass on to you the questions that my correspondent asked me after taking Sam to church:

"1. What was the purpose of the Flitcraft Story -- I found it fascinating -- but no one was really able to understand its role in the novel.

2. What was the role/purpose of The Fat Man's daughter in the novel?"

I could pretend I know my asterisk from my apostrophe and walk all over those with big clumsy writer shoes, but the hard-boiled truth is, I'm just not qualified. Isn't there a scholar out there with a better grasp of this sort of thing? Come on now, it's not every day Sam Space goes to church!

TOP TEN FOR A TERRIFIC NEW BOOK

2011-04-07T11:02:00.000-07:00

It’s all PHONE KITTEN all the time, now that we’ve got the second edition out. The one featuring the hilarious video.

But enough about the video already. How about the book? Well, I love it. I want to say it’s a nice cozy read, but that connotes knitting and quilting books, washed down with a cup of tea. This is more like a book you want to curl up in a quilt with, along with a box of chocolates. A book that makes you feel good because Emily makes you feel good—Emily being the intrepid phone kitten protagonist. Just how does a book about a phone sex worker accomplish the high wire act of being completely wholesome and impossibly dear and adorable? Well, hell if I know. First-time author Marika Christian’s a magician, that’s all. Here are my…

HOT VIDEO TAKE TWO -- GOT MY LINK FIXED

2011-04-06T12:47:00.000-07:00

Having bragged yesterday on finishing a video that should have taken a day in only one year (due to the slings and arrows of outrageous fortune), I managed to continue the curse by posting a broken link! I was kind of wondering why no one had commented on it. So I went to youTube and discovered it wasn't loading properly either.

All righty then. Here's a link that probably works (fingers crossed):

http://bit.ly/hG3s95

And today it's loading just fine. Pleeese go watch our video! And if you think it's funny, share it--that;s what it't for! (But if you don't, tell us. This isn't a book we're talking about. We probably won't go on a three-week drunk or kill ourselves or anything.)

The Hottest Video On This Blog Today

2011-04-05T10:34:00.000-07:00

Got a hot movie for you. Seriously. It's a three-minute video that we at booksBnimble have made over the course of a year. We've made many other three-minute over the course of twenty-four hours, but there was...just..something about this one. My dad used to use the expression "snakebit", a word that meant a person with no luck at all. Or a project that just wouldn't go right. That was "Emily's Day (or The Truth About Phone Sex.)"

It eventually got done and it's right here if you don't want to hear the story, but for those in it for the yarn, I've linked again at the end:

http://bit.ly/hG3s95

It started out all opitmistic and fun with silly auditions involving sangria and ending with the casting of the perfect actress to play Emily, a phone sex worker who really should be in another line of work. She was so fresh, so innocent! So much so, it turned out, that she had to have a little vodka to say her lines, but that came later. First we had to wait a few months for the videographer to free up.

Okay, that accomplished, we got a gaffer, spent days gathering props, turning my house into Emily's,
and rehearsing. All was well. That is, until we got the call, twelve hours before the shoot, that the Star had developed cold feet. Uh-oh. Snakebite Number One. But no problem! E., in a bar when she got the call, promptly hired the bartender--maybe not so innocent, and as it happened, on a deadline, but hey, cute, willing, and available.

Snakebite Number Two occurred when the gaffer turned up too sick to work. Totally green. Had to be sent home. Have no fear, he said, I'll send you another. He did, a great one. Once again, the show went on. But of course it had to be cut short due to the new Star's deadline (the start of her bartending shift) so we only got it half done. Okay, only a few more months till the videographer freed up again--we could handle that.

And then SHE quit the day before the shoot. Oh, woe. Snakes on the rampage. But we made a quick recovery and ended up with the best thing that ever happened to Emily's Day--a new videographer with our own guerrilla mentality--which is, basically, to substitute imagination and creativity for a big budget. This was none other than Andy J. Forest http://www.myspace.com/andyjforestband, whom you may know as a great blues harmonica player, but he's multi-talented. Andy wrapped up the shoot in about two hours, and we were good to go.

Only one thing left to do--finish editing E's Day and get it in the book. What followed next I'm not sure, but I guess you could call it a comedy of errors. Things got misplaced, misunderstood, put off for one reason or another, there was an issue with a distributor-- nothing big you could point to. Just more snakes nibbling way at Emily's ankles.

But now we've got it! We've remade the ebook--PHONE KITTEN--with Emily's Day as the embedded video, and in our opinion, it was worth waiting for:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wcZk_eqgI8c

You be the judge. (But a word of warning: Our movie is rated Pg-13. Go no further if you are offended by euphemisms.)

WHEN IS ‘HISTORICAL’ A BIG FAT LIE?

2011-03-31T09:51:00.000-07:00

The least a so-called historical novel should be is accurate, right? Doesn’t the reader have the right to expect that? Even if it’s lousy. I mean, you might not be a good writer, but at least you can look things up. I heard a panel discuss this at the Tennessee Williams Festival and it got me thinking.

One of the panelists told a story about not being able to make his plot work during the historical period he needed, so he just made historical events time-travel. Whathehell, it’s a novel, he reasoned. Who’s gonna care? Nobody’s going to read it anyhow. But to his surprise, it got published. People did read it. And to his even greater surprise, he learned year later that it was required reading at a historical museum! And it was a tissue of lies.

It was a pretty funny confession and I was expecting the self-deprecating coda in which he said he sure learned his lesson, but instead he said what he’d actually learned was that if you wanted to write a really successful historical novel, you should just say history-be-damned and do whatever you want. His novel, he said, was character-driven and literary and THAT was what was important.

There IS a kind of historical novel that depends on how things looked and what it was actually like to live in a time period, but those novels don’t count because they’re genre, he said. Or something, anyhow, that his wasn’t. He even had a name for them, something like paddlewheels-and-magnolias. I’ve forgotten the exact phrase, but that’s close.

My personal opinion? That he’s a lazy and dishonest writer who can’t be bothered to do his job. I think he should be humiliated that docents at that museum are probably giving out false information because of him and he should be working 24/7 to correct it. I think writers like him are one of the reasons there’s so much misinformation out there. But maybe I just have a guilty conscience.

Full disclosure: I recently finished a time-travel novel in which I couldn’t, after some twenty or so books, find out some things I needed, so I made up a few details. I confessed in an author’s note, but I still feel bad about it. Dammit, I think the reader deserves an accurate portrayal! I so much wish I could have done better. My book’s genre, no question, so by his standards I SHOULD have done better.

I wonder where genre leaves off and “literary” begins. Is “Gone With the Wind” genre? Is “Cold Mountain”? I honestly don’t know. Historicals aren’t my field. Any opinions on where you draw the line?

SINCE WHEN IS "LITERARY" A GENRE?

2011-03-30T10:18:00.000-07:00

Listen up, mainstream writers: You don't get to call yourself "literary" just because your book sold fewer copies than it has pages. (Can anyone tell I'm just back from a literary festival?) If it's not a fan con, which, so far as I know, are events held ONLY for genres, at every single literary event, some mainstream writer on his first or second book--usually twenty or fifty--will be sure to tout himself as a literary artist. (Hmm. The pronoun may not be accidental, although I've occasionally seen women do it.)

It's always wince-worthy. Gentlemen, please! "Literary" means "having literary merit", and what makes you think you get to say that in polite society when you'd never mention how hot you are? (Though I think we're just supposed to know that if you're literary, you're hot). But still, you wouldn't say it! That would be embarrassing. Well, so's the other thing. You have to earn it, you can't just claim it by virtue of not being genre, which, it goes without saying, you consider something akin to icky stuff that gets on your windshield.

Having an MFA or teaching at an academic institution doesn't qualify you. Neither does having a publisher so small it can't even pay advances. You know how many truly awful writers meet those criteria? Of course you do. You probably spend half your time being snarky about them.

But if you're such a person, you may be thinking I'm incredibly stupid, there's a definition of "literary" that involves style and not merit, and that's all you mean. True, there is. But who says you meet those criteria? "Literary" is neither a genre open to anyone nor a party you can crash. You actually have to be invited. To repeat: You don't get to say it about yourself any more than you get to announce how great your rear end looks in a tight pair of jeans. But not to worry. Aunt Julie is hereby setting out a set of criteria under which you may call yourself or your novel "literary," even though it would be altogether tacky and a lot better to let someone else say it:

8. You have been favorably reviewed on Page One of the New York Times Book Review.
7. Or at least by Michiko Kakutani.
6. You have had a short story published in the Paris Review or The New Yorker.
5. Your novel was brought out by Grove, New Directions, or some other once-cutting-edge, now-venerable press that's made a reputation discovering literary stars.
4. Sonny Mehta is your editor. But be careful here. You could paint yourself into a corner. Mr. Mehta has been known to edit genre authors and we know what you think about THEM.
3. Your novel has blurbs from both Philip Roth AND Jonathan (Oprah-is-for-peons) Franzen.
2. You have been nominated for a Pen/Faulkner, National Book Award, or National Book Critics Circle Award.
1. You have won a Pulitzer,

Novelists not meeting these criteria yet bragging on themselves in public will henceforth be sentenced to wear a scarlet "P." For pretentious. And "poseur."

THE FEARFUL SYMMETRY OF HOCKING AND EISLER

2011-03-28T14:07:00.000-07:00

This morning came word of Amanda Hocking's movie deal http: http://nyti.ms/hoXcUk . Never has so much happened in such a short time to one so young. Or at least not that I can remember. You just have to be happy for the kid who naively self-published her way into millions and now seems poised to become the new Stephanie Meyer. Last year: $2 million sales online. Last week: A $2 million publishing deal. This week: the movie announcement.

Check out this amazing quote: “I’ve done as much with self-publishing as any person can do,” Ms. Hocking said in an interview on Thursday. “People have bad things to say about publishers, but I think they still have services, and I want to see what they are. And if they end up not being any good, I don’t have to keep using them. But I do think they have something to offer.” http://nyti.ms/h2YzVI . Wow! How about that word "still"? As if Big Pub is so yesterday. How long ago was it that any new writer on earth would have killed for the contract she just got and never questioned that it was the only way to go? Six months ago? Three months? A week?

Ms. Hocking's timing is amazing and maybe a bit ironic, coming as it does a week after her very own new publisher, St. Martin's Press, lost one of their other big authors to self-pubishing. Everybody's got something to say about it. Here's lee Goldberg: http://bit.ly/g1DcrZ . He notes that a lot of the coverage of all this is inept. Which is intimidating, considering I even blogs are coverage I guess. But here's what I think: This is a fantastic illustration of what publishing's become, and a look into the future. What we have here is an example of amazing symbiosis. Big Pub made Eisler and now he's going off to be an entrepreneur. Hocking turned her mom-and-pop venture into giant bucks and now she can reap the benefits Big Pub can give her. I say, you go, girl! And you too, Mr Eisler. Not to mention, dear old SMP-- they certainly recouped Eisler's loss about as flashily as possible. But I still bet they got a double dose of food for thought this week.

WHAT'S THE GREAT AMERICAN MYSTERY NOVEL?

2011-03-24T10:29:00.000-07:00

This week I've had occasion to think on this subject, because I was asked to give a library speech about THE MALTESE FALCON; seems they had a reading program in which everyone read the same book and then they got speakers to talk about it. Like the Big Read, for which I gave a MALTESE FALCON talk last year.

I learned then the kids didn't particularly care for it. They thought Sam Spade was a big fat sexist--even the boys, and this is Louisiana! And it wasn't lost on them that he was also kind of a jerk. The Big Read itself didn't seem to have much respect for mysteries in general. "Some people," said their own flyer, "were surprised when THE MALTESE FALCON, a mystery, appeared on The Big Read list." Well, it's a classic, no question, but dated. And most people know the story anyhow--though from the movie, alas. If you actually set out to introduce new readers to mysteries, is this really the place to start? So I got to thinking, what have mysteries done for us lately? What would happen if you could choose a contemporary one--and only one--for a large group to read together?

Of course it's hard to say what I mean by contemporary. Sometimes we don't really recognize how good a book is until years later. I've got a little list up my sleeve, but some of the books are ten, even twenty years old. If I went back and read, say, Sharyn McCrumb's terrific IF EVER I RETURN, PRETTY PEGGY-O, would I find it dated? I think maybe not, but when I think of that first stunner by Elizabeth George, A GREAT DELIVERANCE (1988), I know it couldn't help but be a little disappointing to contemporary readers, simply because the subject matter, childhood sexual abuse, has become shopworn in the intervening years. I have more candidates, even more recent candidates. But I have a terrible memory for this kind of stuff. If someone asks my favorite authors, as someone always does at a signing, my mind goes blank. Like it's going now.

So help me out here. Shall we limit it to the last 25 years? The more recent the better.What's the one book you'd choose? Your very favorite of that period.

BARRY EISLER: PUBLISHING'S RUNAWAY BRIDE

2011-03-22T07:41:00.000-07:00

Barry Eisler's amazing walkaway from a $500,000 advance to self-publish electronically seems to have left the publishing world gasping for breath. ( http://bit.ly/enaJUP ) As for me, I'm not merely astounded, but aghast. As a publisher of ebooks, I guess I should be rubbing my hands in glee, but instead I'm just not. I feel like I'm watching publishing as we know it commit suicide. Slowly and deliberately, like Virginia Woolf filling her pockets with rocks and walking into the river. (Did she really do that? I don't think I've ever seen it actually written down.)

I don't know. If I said this to St. Martin's, the brand-new publisher he left at the altar as the Wedding March was starting, maybe they'd shrug and say, so what, he's only one guy. But he isn't. He's about the third guy that everyone knows about. (There might be others. But the other two I mean are J.A. Konrath and Seth Godin.) Godin's a best-seller; that had to hurt. If SMP was willing to offer Eisler half a million dollars, that had to hurt too. Not to mention the shock of making the offer, going through the negotiation, and...well, getting stuck with a runaway bride. And his poor agent! All that work for nothing. Is he or she getting a cut of the ebook revenue? If not, I bet he'd like to kill Mr. Eisler.

Not, to be clear, that I actually think Eisler did the wrong thing. His figures add up. It seems a smart business decision. It just seems so sudden. He said he did it because publishing changed so radically in the three months since he accepted the offer and the "paperwork" was competed. (Meaning, I presume, the final negotiations.) Looking behind the scenes, it probably wasn't sudden at all. I expect Mr. Eisler asked for a better percentage of his electronic royalties than SMP was willing to give and they've been arguing about it the whole three months. If you look at what Mr. Eisler says are the figures (http://bit.ly/f1yhj0 ) , the other guy in the negotiation had to see this coming.

So it's St. Martin's I'm horrified at. I think. Couldn't they have picked up the pace if they wanted the deal? Why were they so intractable? (I don't know what he asked for--but couldn't they just bend a little?) No, I bet they'd say, that would set a precedent. Well, maybe it's time. Does Big Pub really want to bet the ranch it can bully writers into the tiny percentage of electronic rights they're offering?

They'd probably say, "We need to. Economics demand it. Our overhead and all." I'm thinking they better think of ways to streamline their overhead and accept reality. I used to be published by St. Martin's, and I love them. I sure don't want to see them go down. But, hello? Is it possible they're being unrealistic here?

TEN BEST BOOKS I'VE EVER READ LATELY

2011-03-17T08:39:00.000-07:00

Earlier this week I was so mean I'm compensating by being nice today. I'm listing my faves for the year, or maybe just lately. Who keeps track of dates? This is a totally no-holds-barred list, in which I indulge my penchant for YA, doggie books, chick-lit (if it's funny), bestsellers some may call cheesy, and my friends' books. Not to mention mysteries, but nobody has to apologize for mysteries.

1. Number One has to be Nancy Pickard's THE SCENT OF RAIN AND LIGHTNING, partly because this terrific book wuz robbed in not receiving an Edgar nomination. Sure, it could still get an Agatha, but really! It could be Pickard's best, and that means we're talking terrific. (Did I mention Nancy's a good friend?)
2. Tied for second-- THE QUEEN OF PATPONG by Tim Hallinan, and Greg Herren's VIEUX CARRE VOODOO. Now Hallinan IS nominated for an Edgar and Herren's up for a Lambda Literary Award. (Disclosure: Greg and I work out twice a week together, and plot mischief, much of which we perpetrate, the rest of the time. Okay, okay, another good friend.)
3. MOCKINGJAY by Suzanne Collins. I think I'm not alone here.
5. A DOG'S PURPOSE by W. Bruce Cameron. I rate dog books by the number of tissues consumed.
6. MORE OF THIS WORLD OR MAYBE ANOTHER by Barb Johnson. See, I read something besides popular fiction. If it's by a good friend. Kidding! I hardly know Barb. But boy, can she write.
7. THE HELP by Kathryn Stockett. I'm an Ole Miss girl, I'm not gonna like it?
8. PHONE KITTEN by Marika Christian. Actually, she said, hanging head, I published this one (www.booksBnimble.com). But, listen, it's my blog; I can name my own author if I want to! (She said, stamping tiny foot.) Such is the democratic force of the Internet. But it really is a seriously a fun book. Kind of reminds me of Jennifer Crusie's stuff. But why believe me?--Check out our trailer -- http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=m0faZl9lchM
9. MAYBE THIS TIME, by Jennifer Crusie. Aha! This explains THAT. I'm not much on ghost stories, but this one was delicious.
10. DEEP SHADOW by Randy Wayne White. Quite the tour de force-- it takes place in about four hours, most of it underwater. White's definitely not the kind of author who lets his series get sleepy.

Help! Author Intervention needed!

2011-03-15T09:09:00.000-07:00

What to think when you read a book written by God himself and all you can do is pray it'll end soon? Okay, it wasn't really God. Actually just a god of literature, the kind whose reviews always include words like "greatest" and "best" and once, "greatest...ever." (By the way, this is NOT a review, more like a musing, a quiet wonder at what the author was thinking and why no one staged an intervention.)

Perhaps, whatever it is, it's a bit schoolmarmish. I'm in writing-teacher mode these days, working on turning my erstwhile writing course into an ebook, so right now, just at this moment, I'm the kind of prissy little nobody who might have the nerve to stand up and point a finger at a giant of letters for splitting an infinitive. Only that isn't what he did. If one of my students did what he did, I'd have to commit ritual suicide for having failed him so badly.

First, he sets the scene: Gorgeous filmmaker and getting-on but savvy and daring assistant are courageously setting sail (though in a powerboat) to do a documentary on Somali pirates. They'll be out there, helpless and vulnerable for 27 days. This takes Mr. god four chapters and thirty-four pages , and he has me on the edge of my seat. Great set-up! But here's how Chapter Five begins, slightly paraphrased: "They were out on the boat for 27 days."

HUH? Hold it! I was ready for action. Totally locked and loaded. What happened here? Has the author just changed directions? Is this book about to be about something else entirely? Well, in fact it pretty much is, which almost no author could get away with but this one, because most people will go wherever he takes them. But he doesn't take them anywhere for the next ummm....sixty pages. Roughly.

What he instead perpetrates is a sixty-page flashback told in dialogue by two people watching film clips together. Like this:
"Remember this? Here's where the pirates boarded us."
"Yeah, the timing wasn't so hot. That was just after your gun fell overboard."

"Only because you got me drunk."

Those are actually my words, but trust me, I've been true to the spirit. I'd liked to have SEEN those three actions--and in reverse order, like in, you know...a story. Sixty pages of exposition through dialogue! (As the schoolterm term goes.) What was he thinking? And flashbacks at that.

Are you there, god? It's me, Julie. I sincerely apologize for dissing such an Olympian as You, but could you let me know why did You did this to me? Couldn't You have just sent a plague of locusts?

LATE-BREAKING MARDI GRAS PIX

2011-03-11T08:57:00.000-08:00

BEFORE THE WHIP WENT MIA;

THE OBLIGATORY BARE BOTTOM

THIS WAS A WHOLE DAY OF THE DEAD FAMILY THING; GORGEOUS--THIS ONLY SHOWS A BIT.

PLEASE NOTE EXPLANATORY SIGN

TWO GORGEOUS LADIES FROM LAUREL, MISSISSIPPI, PAIGE HARRIS, TOP, AND MARDA BURTON

THE END

My 10 Favorite Things about Mardi Gras

2011-03-09T12:33:00.000-08:00

I took literally hundreds of no doubt fabulous Mardi Gras pix, only to discover I’d lost my download cord (or whatever the technical term is), so no pix today, Instead a musing or two about why Mardi Gras's not only so much fun but such a gift (see 8 and 9):

My 10 Favorite Things about Mardi Gras

1. You don’t have to wait till night to dance in the streets—or even till noon.

2. You can drink breakfast with impunity.

3. You can flirt with strangers. In fact, it’s pretty much expected.

4. You can even kiss them—and in front of your husband!

5. People give you presents. My favorite from yesterday: A wooden doubloon from the Skeleton Krewe that says, “Sin, Repent, Repeat.”

6. Normally dignified professionals in clown outfits and fake moustaches.

7. The rare and special opportunity to opportunity to use the word “revelry”. And the verb “to revel.”

8. Impromptu street theater. Like the James Dean and the Marilyn Monroe who met on Esplanade yesterday, and proceeded with a highly amusing courtship, particularly on the part of Mr. Dean. And the lion who charged the lion tamer (who happened to be Lee, always delighted to work out with his whip.)

9.The amazing creativity and focus of ordinary people devoted to the idea of letting their imaginations run rampant—if only for one day of the year.

10. It’s the only day of the year that I actually like the way I look. (There should REALLY be a picture here!)

A Million Ways to Do Mardi Gras

2011-03-08T08:07:00.000-08:00

I guess I’m taking a day off to digress. Because it’s Mardi Gras and Mardi Gras is too great not to share. If you’re from somewhere besides New Orleans, it’s possible you think Mardi Gras is lifting one’s shirt in return for plastic beads in the midst of a baying and unruly crowd. You may also think it’s a sloppy and drunken event resembling a twenty-four-hour fraternity party, and that you’d never be interested in such a thing. Actually, both notions are entirely correct. But you’ve got a blind man/elephant thing going on here.

The truth is, Mardi Gras varies by the block. Even by the household. Say you’re out running the streets. On St. Charles Avenue, you’ll see your families watching the parades, the little kids sitting on ladders with homemade benches built on top, and just about nobody in costume. Go to the lake side of the avenue and you might get a glimpse of Mardi Gras Indians These are…well, it can’t really be explained here. Suffice it to say they’re the most amazingly costumed individuals you’re ever going to see, at Mardi Gras or anywhere else. For more info, check out http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mardi_Gras_Indians http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mardi_Gras_Indians

Or better yet, watch Treme, http://www.hbo.com/treme/index.html , David Simon’s excellent HBO show set in New Orleans.

Move on to the French Quarter, and there’ll be a new Mardi Gras around every corner. Here, unlike Uptown, everyone’s in costume except the tourists. On upper Bourbon, you have your tourist Carnival, the one with the beads and boobs (possible pun intended). On lower Bourbon, you have the Bourbon St. Awards , http://www.gaymardigras.com/bbb.htm the gay costume event. Uh, wait. Did I say the Indians were…okay, the Indian suits are folk art; museum pieces. They’re beautiful, artistic, and jaw-droppingly original. These guys’ outfits are some of those things too, and funny to boot. But so far as I know, no museum exhibits them. Maybe they should.

But the real delight is in the tiny marching groups, the neighbors or friends who get together to form their own themed mini-parade, like one I just read about (but haven’t yet seen) called the Krewe of Red Beans http://topics.nola.com/tag/redbeans%20krewe/photos.html . They make elaborate costumes out of red beans, in partial homage to the Mardi Gras Indians.

Here’s my Mardi Gras: Up at eight o’clock to squeeze into the costume, slather on the make-up, comb out the wig of the moment (I have five so far and this year, I’m going with the green.) Then, mimosas in hand, my demon lover and I sally forth to wait for the Society of St, Anne http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EHg7ZUtKVsU http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EHg7ZUtKVsU , the most beautiful parade of all. This one—no floats, just gorgeously costumed marchers--looks like a medieval pageant. It’s a neighborhood tradition to wait for it in front of the R bar on Royal Street. EVERYONE’S there. But you can’t tell who they are.

Now about the demon lover—actually, he’s my handsome husband on normal days, and, unlike his restless spouse, he wears the same thing every Mardi Gras: A strange and somewhat fearsome mask; a black cape (he has a selection, but I like the purple-lined one) and—this is the main thing—his special Mardi Gras whip. You’d be amazed at the number of ladies—and quite a few gentlemen—just dying to indulge in horseplay with a man with a whip. Which is what he loves about the outfit. Mardi Gras is all about horseplay. Having silly, spontaneous fun with perfect strangers.

With luck, Pix tomorrow!

Literary Mardi Gras

2011-03-07T07:29:00.000-08:00

Tomorrow is the great feast of my people, and I have corrected galleys due at noon Ash Wednesday. Ha! It is to laugh! It is to guffaw. Has anyone ever set a deadline on the day after Christmas? Certainly not, and certainly I won’t be home with my nose in a book on Fat Tuesday. Naturally, I’m gonna have to blog about what goes on out there, but how to make it literary?

Let’s start with the time I caught a panel at a literary festival in New Orleans in which the panelists somehow got on Carnival. To a woman, they agreed they’d never write about Mardi Gras, because it was far too clichéd for their exalted selves. That made me squirm a bit, due to the fact that the very first book I ever wrote set in New Orleans was about Mardi Gras. I mean REALLY about Mardi Gras; not just about an event (murder, of course) that occurred at Mardi Gras. But about how the culture’s imbued with it. Who writes about that? In fiction, that is. (Well, the Treme people, actually, but this was at least a dozen years before the show was conceived.)

Try as I might, I could only think of one other story I’d ever read set at Mardi Gras—a piece of erotica about two masked people who didn’t know each other and…etc, etc. and ho-hum. Now that WAS a cliché. Even if no one but the author has ever actually written it. Because everyone’s thought it.

Since NEW ORLEANS MOURNING (my opuscule), Greg Herren (www.scottynola.livejournal.com) has gifted us with the highly amusing MARDI GRAS MAMBO, but a Google search shows there’s still little else on the subject except children’s books and non-fiction. Oh, yeah, except for that time I did it again, in another book, but that was the African-American Mardi Gras, which is wildly different from the white one.

So I guess those guys were wrong, except in theory. Just FYI. To get it on the record.

But I digress. My point is this: Even if there were a thousand Mardi Gras books a year, they’d only be clichéd if the authors stooped to cliché. Just as love stories are only clichéd if the author’s lazy. Because there are a million ways to write about love, some of them fresh and new. And everybody’s tried it. Who thinks love is clichéd? Tomorrow: Running the Streets on Fat Tuesday

Literary Mardi Gras

2011-03-06T15:18:00.000-08:00

Tuesday is the great feast of my people, and I have corrected galleys due at noon Ash Wednesday. Ha! It is to laugh! It is to guffaw. Has anyone ever set a deadline on the day after Christmas? Certainly not, and certainly I won’t be home with my nose in a book on Fat Tuesday. Naturally, I’m gonna have to blog about what goes on out there, but how to make it literary?

So I guess those guys were wrong, except in theory. Just FYI. To get it on the record.

Five Fave Writing Peeves

2011-03-01T13:56:00.000-08:00

When all hell breaks loose, does it smell like rotten eggs? It must, because of the brimstone. All that sulphur, ick. But who knows? No one ever talks about it, or mentions what it sounds like (an earthquake on Dolby?), or feels like (the inside of a blender?). The visuals must be amazing—all those damned souls flying around—wait a minute, was that Hitler who just went by?

Okay, end of writing exercise. I started thinking about it because I had one of those jangled, phone-ringing mornings, and the phrase popped up in my mind. But it also occurred to me that Elmore Leonard said “never say ‘all hell broke loose.’” So naturally I went from there to why not and…well, sometimes it’s better to just put your imagination back in the teapot. Elmore (although I think his intimates call him Dutch) also said never say “suddenly.” We all have our little peeves. Feeling masochistic? Here's a couple more:

“Visibly shaken”. Isn’t just “shaken” enough? I mean if you can tell I’m shaken, it must be because you’re seeing something. I’m pale, is that it? Why didn’t you say so? I think we can blame this one on reporters—nobody wants to read “pale” in a newspaper. It’s just too wimpy.

“Yummy”. (To describe an attractive person of the opposite sex.) Well, actually a man. No man would describe a woman that way; that would be sexist. YOU know who does this— lazy romance writers.

“Made my mouth water”. Ewwwwwww. Same thing, only worse.

“I did just that.” You did not, you did “it.” Isn’t “it” the same as “that” and isn’t “that” the same as “just that”? And doesn’t it sound a lot better?

“And then it happened.” Nobody really writes that. Do they? You wish.

Kindle Unmasked

2011-02-24T08:13:00.000-08:00

Kindle has a dirty little secret. So do other ereaders. It's something I had to find out for myself, something no one ever talks about. Because it's just too disturbing.

Even committed brick-and-mortar readers admit one thing—a cute little Kindle would sure be nice to travel with. But what if they knew that just as they’re settling in for takeoff, counting on Nevada Barr’s latest to distract them from the raging storm out there, the flight attendant’s going to say: “If it’s got a switch, turn it off”?

And it’s gonna happen on landing too, just at the denouement. Eeeeeeeee! Your book just got snatched from your very hands.

Why didn’t anyone tell me? And what to do about it? Ironically, so far, the only solution I’ve found is to make sure I always have a bricks-and-mortar back-up. Something non-fiction; “Blogging for Dummies”, say. But doesn’t that defeat the purpose? You still have to carry a heavy book on your trip.

So these are my questions: How is an innocent ereader going to interfere with takeoff or landing? Is this for real or a blanket admonition to get compliance from cell phone outlaws? And if not…Mwahahahahaha!---can you just defy the law and see if you get a ticket? Without risking a crash, that is.

Sure would like to hear from anyone who’s got any ideas—or explanations.

And on a related note—who knew TSA had a blog? They have actual good news about traveling with your ebaby. http://blog.tsa.gov/2010/04/traveling-with-e-readers-netbooks-and.html Here’s the gist—when going through security, “Electronic items smaller than the standard sized laptop should not need to be removed from your bag or their cases. It’s that simple.” That’s an actual quote. Don’t they sound friendly?

I NEED A ROMANCE!

2011-02-22T09:06:00.000-08:00

So I’m writing one. As avid readers of E-Guerrilla will know (and I’m sure there must be one), I’m on a true confessions kick about what I’m writing. I’ve already thoroughly harangued everyone about my forthcoming YA novel and mentioned my writing book-to-be (BTW, got a lot done over the weekend), and now I need to tell you about the most fun thing I’m doing. Because I just can’t keep quiet any more. It’s way too much fun.

It’s a love story. Actually, I think you might even call it pretty much a classic romance, except that it’s really, really different from anything you ever read. Yow! How could it possibly live up to that? Well, for one thing it isn’t just up to me. One thing that makes it different is I’m team-writing it with two other authors, and boy, are they turning out amazing stuff. For another, neither of the two lovers is really the protagonist.

Did I just lose you? No, no, stick around. This is a protagonist anyone would love. Even if you don’t love her writing, there’ll be irresistible embedded videos. (This is an ebook, did I mention that?) Okay, that’s another way it’s different—it’s going to have embedded videos. I’m so excited about this I can barely type.

But enough about me.

I still need a romance. But do I want it just to read, or do I want to publish it? Both maybe. I’d settle for reading one, but I’m up for submissions (ulp!), I think. Anyhow, you could query me at info@booksbnimble.com if you’ve got something wildly different. I want to read a romance like Jennifer Crusie writes—really funny and un-putdownable. (Tall order, huh? Her blog’s hilarious too. http://www.jennycrusie.com/) I'm not looking for just straight-up love-and-kisses, maybe a bit of suspense. With a really outrageous heroine. Much stronger on laughs than sex. Got one for me? Please, please leave titles in the comments section if you have candidates. Because I really need a romance!

A Cure for First-Chapter Blues?

2011-02-17T08:13:00.000-08:00

Narcissism alert: Today’s entry is all about me. Just because I haven’t written a mystery in five years, people ask me if I’m still writing, can you imagine? So I thought I’d answer them. Yes! Yes, I am, I can’t imagine NOT writing. Not only am I still writing, I’m writing things I’m excited about. The Big One (big because it’s the WIP) I’ll leave till another day, but I thought I’d report that I’m proud to join the ranks of young adult writers, with CURSEBUSTERS!, out in May. It’s about an unrepentant teen-age female burglar and a sort of …hmmm—paranormal ninja cat who bullies her into stealing something really really dangerous to steal. This is because it’s temporarily stashed in 1519, where they have to time-travel to get it. (Grammar Girl, where are you? Is 1519 a “where”? Should I have said “when”? “Whence?”)

CURSEBUSTERS! is what’s increasingly being called a “P” book (as in print), and my esteemed publisher, Bold Strokes Books, wouldn’t give up the electronic rights, isn’t that a nerve? But I love them anyhow, and I really, really love the cover they did, which I can’t resist showing you. It’s my favorite ever.

The other thing I’m doing that I want to mention is something I see a greater and greater need for every day—a book on writing. Why, you may ask, do we need another book on writing? Well, YOU may not, but I need one for the people who come to me for help, one that I know reliably covers all the bases and gives new writers a vocabulary for the techniques they need to master. I don’t know—what caused a nice girl like Mignon Fogarty, the aforementioned Grammar Girl (http://grammar.quickanddirtytips.com/ ) to start doing podcasts? Did the world really need more grammar tips? Maybe she just thought if you want a job done, you do it yourself.

There are plenty of great books on writing already, many of which I intend to quote in mine (which I’m adapting from a course I teach), but the point of my book is that you can’t really listen to writing teachers, even me, in your quest to find your own best writing method. So I’m calling it WRITING YOUR WAY. The other reason I’m writing it is that I don’t think anyone else has properly tackled first chapters. At least not to my satisfaction. Especially me. I kind of overlooked it when I first started teaching writing.

But when I started seeing students’ work, I knew I needed to get on that right away. After all, what’s more important than your first chapter? NOTHING. Anybody knows that. Why are they so neglected? I’m wrestling with it. Coming soon. Thanks for your patience.

The Mysterious Walker Percy Successor

2011-02-15T09:38:00.000-08:00

Patty Friedmann’s such a popular and respected writer in New Orleans that I temporarily forgot the Internet is international when I mentioned her in the context of Walker Percy’s comment about a Jewish mother leading the next Southern literary revival. So for those who wondered who I was talking about, let me first say, rush right out and read her! And then I’ll mention that she’s the author of eight novels (including a new one, TOO JEWISH, which, it must be disclosed, booksBnimble publishes), and she’s a funny and wise writer. To further clear up any confusion, I asked to explain herself in her own words:

I've heard you say you've lived in New Orleans all your life except for education and natural disasters. Prove your New Orleans "cred."

When the Booklovers Guide to the city came out I had to make a list of any five things I wanted. I chose my favorite smells from childhood: the molasses factory, the Sunbeam bakery from the expressway, the inside of the streetcar, the Lusher school cafeteria on Monday, and the Edgewater Hotel drugstore. You can't beat Proustian senses for ownership of a place.

2. Proust? I thought you were the new Walker Percy.

I'm not Walker Percy! For Chrissakes, I'm not Catholic. Though I grew up knowing that everybody on the streetcar made the sign of the cross when we passed the statue of Jesus in front of Loyola. That's the kind of Jew I am. Walker probed where he fit in the universe; most Jews I knew probed where they fit in uptown.

3. Your book's titled Too Jewish. Sounds as if you're not Jewish enough.

As a matter of fact, I once visited my brother in Georgia where he was--get this!--a rabbi. We did a program at his synagogue that we titled "Jew/Counter-Jew." Our dialogue pitted his liturgical approach against my secular one. Afterward his congregants hugged all over me, and quite a few came up and whispered, as if consoling me, "I don't think Rabbi really believes in God."

4. As a writer, are you at a big juncture with Too Jewish?

It's an e-book! For someone who wrote her first novel on a Selectric II, I have to say I'm glad I kept writing long enough for this possibility. I have eight other books in print, the operant word being "print." My main publisher was a known genius, which meant "deep" (read that in your inner baritone), ambiguous cover images. Crummy shelf appeal. I was proud but I wasn't a zillionaire. This book can go viral, as the cognoscenti say.

5. Otherwise, is it a typical Patty book?

Uh-uh. I've been a comically dark writer, a contemporary New Orleans writer, the class clown at clown college. After Katrina, I've gone to the past. Sadly, my own life is now part of history--I'm getting up there--so I plumbed my own story. My father's tragedy has been sitting in the part of me that I'm too afraid ever to explore in therapy, and now it's in this novel, fictionalized. Not funny, but I have a feeling you can hear my voice.

How to Buy an Ebook

2011-02-11T11:00:00.000-08:00

Two weeks ago off I went to the sophisticated Digital Book World conference, in which I learned the glittering state of the ebook market. A wonderful future for all of us! Fantastic success stories! A good time had by all!

And then I came back to what I laughingly call my market. The one in which customers are still struggling to figure out which version of an ebook to buy, and how to open it. That is, those who are buying directly from publishers like us instead of Amazon or another etailer. Those buyers (the ones at the big boxes) have already selected ereaders and are buying books specifically for them. But there are lots of other people who want to read ebooks on their computers or phones and don’t know how. Also, there are lovely people who do have ereaders, yet are kind enough to want to buy directly from the publisher.

So I thought it might help if I outlined a few basics. We (meaning booksBnimble) sell three kinds of files, which I expect is what most publishers offer—one for Kindle, one for iPad, and one for everything else. This is because iPad is the only platform that supports video and Kindle does not support the format everyone else uses. To further complicate things, a) that format (the all-purpose one) is called ePub, which sounds so generic I get the impression plenty of people think it just means “ebook” and b) there are several names for Kindle-friendly files. These are mobi, prc, and azw .

Sufficiently confused? Really there’s nothing to it—Kindle, iPad, or Everything Else, aka ePub. But there’s another wrinkle. If you buy a book from a publisher, you’ll have to “sideload” it to your ereader, since it’s not synced to it like books from the etailers. Probably the best deal there is to get in touch with the publisher you bought it from (for us, info@booksBnimble.com ) , or just Google it. You’d be amazed how much info’s online about this. A quick example of sideloading: You can get a mobi file on your Kindle the same way you do a Word document or pdf --by emailing it to your Kindle address.

If you have no ereader, no problem! There’s an app for that. (A free one.) You download the Kindle app first, then save your file anywhere on your computer, click on it twice, and magic occurs. Or if the file’s ePub, Firefox has an add-on called ePubreader that works the same say. Really and truly, this can be done and done easily—by the most tech-tarded person in America, with no more than a click or three. (But happy to hold your hand if you run into problems.)

The New Jewish Walker Percy?

2011-02-09T09:58:00.000-08:00

To me, there are two kinds of New Orleans writers, those who remind us of Walker Percy and those who evoke John Kennedy Toole. The Percy breed is cool, literary, philosophical, professorial; the Toole types are like an Italian family at dinner—noisy, street smart, practically smelling of red gravy and sweat. I’m exaggerating, of course, and now I’m about to get reductive: Percy=cool, Toole= warm.

Like this maybe:

Team Percy--Valerie Martin, say; or John Biguenet. Team Toole--Andrei Codrescu, perhaps; James Nolan, Amanda Boyden. I don’t know, I’m probably blowing it. What I mean is, a certain reserve, a sly subtlety, as opposed to an unbridled exuberance, a great ear for street speech. Weirdly, I could think of more Percy descendents than Tooles, though in my heart I feel sure we have more Tooles. But we’re always looking for the successor to Walker Percy. It’s kind of a primal yearning around here. (Could have been Martin, I think, but she doesn’t write much about New Orleans these days. And Biguenet’s off doing plays.) I was astounded to see the late great one himself was on the lookout for us before he croaked. Someone just sent me this quote from the man himself:

"I make no claim to prophetic powers, yet I make bold to predict that the next Southern literary revival will be led by a Jewish mother, which is to say, a shrewd self-possessed woman with a sharp eye and a cunning retentive mind who sees the small triumphs and tragedies around her and has her own secret method of rendering it, with an art all her own and yet not unrelated to Welty, O'Connor, and Porter."

Signposts in a Strange Land--Walker Percy

Wow, I thought. Patty Friedmann! But—full disclosure here—booksBnimble just published her ebook, TOO JEWISH. So of course I’d think of her. But I would have anyway (really I would) because she’s the real deal. Sharp eye? Check. Cunning? Watch out! Secret method? Damn her-- I’m always trying to figure out how she does it. And boy does she have an ear. Wonder if Mr. Percy was onto something. But let’s discuss. Got any more candidates?

Short Story Contest: A Vampire for Valentine's

2011-02-07T13:46:00.000-08:00

Is that love in the air, or just more precipitation? I’m going with love. We can always use that. In honor of Valentine’s Day, booksBnimble’s February/March contest theme will be “Romeo or Juliet as a vampire.” Just this once, in honor of the sweetness of the season, you have a choice. Either lover can be undead. Or you can make them both vampires–that could be raucous. But sexy’s good too. The deadline’s March 15, and the winner will be announced at the beginning in April. This is part of our 2011 series of vampire contests, the winners of which we’ll publish as an anthology at the end of the year. Don’t forget the best part: Along with publication, there’s a $50 prize. Rules at
http://www.booksbnimble.com/contests/

While we’re at it, congratulations to Karla Henderson of Palmdale, Ca., winner of our December/January contest. Her hilarious story, “Overbite,” which chronicles the life of Elvis as a vampire, can be enjoyed along with a short interview with the writer herself at:

http://www.booksbnimble.com/contests/previous-winners/

For the really intrepid among you, we have a second contest, but so far nobody’s ever had the nerve to enter it. It requires an imagination, at least one pet, a video camera, and a ton of patience. If you think you qualify, click here http://www.booksbnimble.com/contests/vidlet-instructions/

DIGITAL BOOK WORLD vs My World Part III

2011-02-03T12:31:00.000-08:00

DBW would be a delicious place to live—all glittery like the gorgeous snowfall that happened simultaneously. If I lived there, I’d know all about as-yet-undreamt-of geekery, my authors’ books would be runaway bestsellers, and we’d have enough money to make fancier, slicker videos for our VeeBooks.

Of course all isn’t perfect there—one app maker admitted the download time for apps can be horrific and they often crash. So in some ways it’s like my world, in which, quite simply, a whole lot of people want to join the party, but haven’t yet caught up with the technology. And that’s not only ordinary people. The industry’s abuzz this week with talk of a major glitch at a rhino of a retailer that just can’t seem to get it together right now. Not gossip that there is a glitch—complaints about how it’s affecting its customers.

Other vendors seem to be running way behind schedule, one gathers because they can’t expand fast enough to keep up with the demand. And we’re no different—about that schedule thing, I mean. It isn’t demand that has us whipped, it’s problems with technology. Last month, we ditched our entire website because it couldn’t handle video, The hosts said it could, but the software couldn’t have been more poorly equipped for it. Did they lie? Maybe not. Maybe they just never figured anyone would want to post as much video as we do.

Still, the industry forges ahead and often, as we learned at DBW, in fascinating, creative ways that might make things easier eventually. One app maker is now not only making apps, but marketing---well, an app maker! And Vook, the mother of all VeeBook sites, is introducing the formidably named Mother Vook, a content management system that presumably makes it easier to produce VeeBooks. (On a large scale, one assumes.) Content management really isn’t our problem—it’s more of a moment-to-moment crisis kind of thing. Like when the fake blood for the video turns out to be pink. I ask you—would a thing like that happen at DBW?

DIGITAL BOOK WORLD vs My World (Part II)

2011-02-01T15:55:00.000-08:00

“Anecdata” was a very large word at DPW. Not sure if it was meant to be derisive, but I loved it. I’m going to define it here, not as trying to prove something with anecdotes, but as learning from stories. Boy, did I pick up some great anecdata.

My favorite story’s probably the one told by agent Steven Axelrod about his client, Amanda Hocking, a 26-year-old from Minnesota who recently self-published her first ebook, promptly sold 45 copies in two weeks, then sent out some ARCS and sold 42,800 the next month. In six months she’s sold 250,000 ebooks.

You’ve gotta love Amanda. Smart cookie!

Then there’s Grammar Girl Mignon Fogarty, who started her five-minute podcasts about run-on sentences and dangling modifiers as a hobby, and went from there to bestsellerdom. She even has her own app.

This one was kind of between-the-lines, but I remember looking at Jane Friedman’s plucky start-up website when the publishing giant formed her company, Open Road Integrated Media. I looked again yesterday and wow! Tons of books; TV and film deals; hot professional team. Very impressive.

So that’s the exciting world of digital books! Here’s my world:

Author: I'm upset. My book didn’t get any local coverage.

Me: Well, it’s far from over. It’s not like we’re competing for shelf space

here. Besides, the main book reviewer in town doesn’t read ebooks. Pretty hard sell there. But here’s the main thing—local coverage isn’t that important for you. Most of our marketing will be online.

Author: Online?

Me: Well, it IS an ebook.

Author: Really? ONLINE?

And it’s not like it’s only other people who haven't yet connected the dots. I’m wondering what, exactly, Amanda sent. eARCS? Sounds right, but that word “ARCs” just seems so…bricks-and- mortar. Maybe she had some printed up? Naaah. Couldn’t be. It WAS an ebook.

DIGITAL BOOK WORLD: Vs. My World (Part I)

2011-01-31T20:03:00.000-08:00

For those who dwell in the land of P rather than E (that’s “P” as in print), Digital Book World, held last week in New York, is the summit of electronic publishing and produced the latest word on it. Bet you didn’t know:

10.5 million people in this country now have ereaders

10 million have tablets

1/3 of people who have iPads also own Kindles

$1 billion was spent on ebooks last year

$1.3 billion is the 2011 prediction

There was lots of stuff like that, guaranteed to make some people think the world’s coming to an end long before 2012, as promised, but, according to a survey referenced at the conference, guess how Big Pub feels about it? Good! More fun facts:

89% of publishing execs are optimistic about the future

66 % think people will read more

74% say readers will be better off

46% think tablets will win over readers

85 % now release ebooks simultaneously with print books

ebook sales will increase 139 times this year

by 2014 half of all sold will be ebooks—some say this yr or next yr

As was announced a few days ago, at Amazon, that's already happened there.

All this is what a CEO I know calls the view from 70,000 feet. Very heady indeed. But when I got home these questions awaited:

1. How do I sideload the ebook I just bought on the Kindle app on my iPad?

2. I'm trying to download my book but the message keeps popping up that

the page can't be found.

3. From an etailer: Where are your TOCs? (Umm—right there in the books?)

Is there a disconnect here? Both our customers and vendors seem a bit fermished, and frankly, on the rare occasions we're ahead of them, it's only by about half a step. Mike Shatzkin, one of the DPW organizers, did say the point of the conference is to talk about the problems technology causes businesses. But somehow, I don’t think this is the level of technology he meant. Do these kinds of things ever happen to Jane Friedman? More tomorrow.

HORRIBLE HARD-BOILED

2011-01-12T17:06:00.000-08:00

So there I was, reading one of my favorite thoroughly unrealistic fantasy “human” superhero tough guys, when what should befall me but a sentence that read roughly like this:

“I got up that Monday and I put my wallet in my pocket, my butt in my pants, my feet in my shoes, and I strode out to the OK Corral and I blew six or eight miscreants from here to Mars and I sat down to a nice ham sandwich, and I washed it down with a Bud.”

Okay, hard-boiled writers, I’m serving notice—enough already! I know it’s gotta be fun to strap your Glock to your laptop and pretend you’re some sort of cross between Hemingway and Chandler, but somebody’s actually paying you to churn out some halfway decent prose here. Could you just give the cheap theatrics a rest? Here’s the top reasons who no one should ever write a sentence like the one above:

5. Nobody cares about the minute details of your detective’s toilet—everyone puts their wallet in their pocket and their butt in their pants.

4. Strunk & White said, “More than one conjunction per sentence shall be punishable by the enforced reading of no more than eleven nor less than three 1930s cozies.” Or they should have.

3. Third-graders get flunked for failing to construct complex sentences.

2. Boredom is no excuse for monkeying around on the keys. (That is, when you have a contract.) If you’re Joe Schmoe, do what you like, but if you’re somebody like Robert Crais (and it wasn’t Robert Crais I was reading, okay?—that's just an example), you better flex a little writing muscle. I’m paying good money here.

1. Sure it’s fun to watch those kind of silly sentences burble rhythmically over hill and dale, but that’s only if you’re the writer. If you’re the reader, here’s the problem: You’ve seen it before and you’ve seen it before and you’ve seen it before and you’ve seen it before.

And you had to avert your eyes the first time.

THE UN-CHRISTMAS BOOK

2010-12-16T12:57:00.000-08:00

Here at booksBnimble we have this great Christmas book to sell and it suddenly came to my attention (via a very intelligent friend) that Christmas books can have a bad name. I knew what she meant. It suddenly occurred to me that I'm just like her: I would never read a Christmas book!

A week before Christmas generally finds me at my Scroogiest. I hate the traffic, I hate the crowds, I hate the carols blaring in the restaurants, in the stores, on the beaches, on the landing grounds, in the fields...

When I was in Whole Foods the other day, "Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer" was blasting from the speakers and not one, but two sets of Santa-capped carolers were strolling around singing “Jingle Bells.” When the customers started joining in right in my ear, I thought the top of my head was going to come off.

So why am I selling a Christmas book? Well! While it happens that O LITTLE TOWN OF BELLINGHAM, or OLTOB, as it’s affectionately known at booksBnimble, does happen to be about a pregnant virgin, and does occur in December, it's far from the mindless treacle that you possibly imagine Christmas books to be, in which miracles occur and good things happen to good people. It has a slyness to it, a street smart savvy, a discerning sagacity, an understanding of the human condition that is not predicated on the old saw that says Christmas brings out the best in people. Rather, it asks the question: What would happen if a miracle seemed about to occur in the twenty-First Century? Everyone, it answers, would try to get in on the action. In short, the virgin would go viral.

Oh, cynical! You're probably thinking. But not so. Because it also asks the question, “And then what?”

Your average Christmas book has the texture and flavor of butterscotch pudding, wouldn’t you say? This one achieves something more like the delicate layering of a lemon meringue pie: First a froth of wit and wordmanship; under that, a rich filling that’s almost naughty in its tartness. And under that, the crust--a solid literary foundation.

Not precisely “inspirational” in the sense that probably makes us Scrooges shudder. Nonetheless, after a relaxing read, I no longer feel as if the top of my head might come off.

I know you intellectuals are giving your sweeties ereaders for Christmas. Who isn’t? Why not also give them this bit of literary Excedrin as a stocking stuffer? O LITTLE TOWN OF BELLINGHAM. Only $4.99 at www.booksBnimble.com, in all formats, or at Amazon. The commercial break is now over and we return to regulr programming.

DEATH TO THE DARK WIZARD!

2010-11-29T15:17:00.000-08:00

We're hexed! There can be no other explanation. Have you been to our gorgeous website, www.booksbnimble.com? If so, we cordially HOPE you found it gorgeous, and weren't one of the three in ten who see it with no middle column. This is not a browser problem--sometimes it works in all three of the most popular browsers (i.e. Firefox, Safari and Explorer). Nor is it a size problem. It seems to work great on everybody's itsy-bitsy iPhone, and it works great on the huge screen at the host's offices, but in Safari on my laptop screen, it's just not there. Yet on e's it's perfect. And for all intents and pruposes, we have exactly the same screen. The thing is, it's completely random. As if we're hexed.

YouTube, someone said darkly, is what's doing this to you--there can be no question. And yet our host, ever eager to be let off the hook, has never even suggested such a thing. It can't be that. There's a dark wizard at work here, possibly Lord Voldemort himself.

Okay, here's a hint--if you're one of the three in ten, and absolutely can't find the middle column, scroll way, way down past the rest of the website and there it'll be. This is actually worth doing, by the way. Because we have a great new video on there--a trailer for our winsome and delightful Christmas offering, Anneke Campbell's O LITTLE TOWN OF BELLINGHAM, about a pregnant virgin who turns up in Indiana right about...now. Yes! A pregnant virgin in 2010--and her name's Mary. This is the crowd-pleasing Christmas book you really need to stuff in someone's stocking this year--a someone who's getting an e-reader for Christmas, of course. (By the way, we also have a Chanukah book--maybe not as cheerful a read, but just as absorbing.--Patty Friedmann's TOO JEWISH.)

But how, you may ask, can you stuff an ebook in a Christmas stocking? We've invented a way! Not only that, it can be signed by the author. But I'm not saying how. To find out, you actually have to defy Lord Voldemort and go to the site. (Once again, that's www.booksBnimble.com )

And while you're there, could you possibly slip the resident gremlin the old Avada Kedrava?

WHY THEY CALL IT DRAMA

2010-11-18T16:45:00.000-08:00

Where we left off yesterday: Our star had just quit, and e. was speaking from her local: "Here's what we're gonna do. We're gonna get this chick I just met on a barstool. She's done performance art. If you take my meaning."

Now e. is not the sort of person who does verbal air quotes, so what was up with that? "She has a very authoritative air," she continued. Oh.

"You mean she speaks Phone Kitten?"

"More like Hellcat."

"Hire her."

"I already did."

Problem solved.

In the morning, e. would still have to make a Wal-Mart run for new granny pants before she picked up the Hellcat, but no big deal. That would give L. time to fire up the lights.

Eight-thirty came and went, with no B. and no L. Finally, at ten after nine, L. arrived with nine thousand pounds of heavy equipment, half of which he proceeded to lug up the stairs. By Floor Three he didn't look right. Kind of celadon. Something, he explained, about a dubious soft-shell crab.

"You just sit down on that and rest," I pointed to one of his mammoth footlockers.

"Uh, maybe 911 instead?"

He was sort of kidding and sort of not, but the bottom line was this: No workee today.

Not to be callous, but I had a video to make. "Okay, okay," he managed to croak. "I'll see what I can do." Sliding pitifully off the trunk and onto the floor, he managed to dig his phone out of his pocket. I left him dialing in a crumpled heap while I went to let B. in and administer morphine when she heard the news. (Kidding, of course--it was actually high-octane coffee.)

And from his bed of pain, L. performed magic. By the time e. arrived with the granny pants and the star, we also had ace gaffer Keith, who hustled the rest of L's truckload onto the set before B. could finish her morphine drip. Wait...coffee!

And then The Star arrived. Beautiful! An excellent actress, it turned out. And absolutely dead wrong for the part, which called for an overweight redhead. Well, forget overweight, the kitten was only barely chubby herself. But the hair. Inky black. Okay, a quick call to Fifi Mahony's, wiggers extraordinaire to the drag queens, Mardi Gras revelers, strippers, and performance artists of the French Quarter. Alas, not happening till noon.

As it turned out, that was no problem at all. Although here was the deal: The Star had only managed to work in the gig by giving away half her waitress shift, but she ABSOLUTELY, NO LEEWAY had to be at work by five-thirty.

So good news and bad news: We had time to get a wig, but no time to make the video. Because the ace gaffer had to turn the set (aka my house) into a studio.

Pretty soon I couldn't even find the dog's leash. Because by one-thirty p.m., my house was a studio. Miraculously, though, the hellcat--now a redhead--had actually started to look the part.

By three-thirty they'd shot two out of twelve scenes. I was never doing this to my house again. I was over all the personnel drama.
And the star was due at work at five-thirty. I took B. aside. "Look, if we don't get anyhting else, let's at least get the Big O scene. We can use it by itself if we have to."

Okay, she said, and, afraid of what I might do otherwise, I went in another room to rest my eyes. E. arrived shortly. "Got some black thread?"

"Oh, sure," I said, "whatever you need." And then it occurred to
me to wonder what on earth they needed with black thread. Black just wasn't in the phone kitten's pink-and-green palate. E. gave me a look I'd never seen on her face--a kind of braced-for-flight look. "Uh..."

"Come on You know I'll find out."

She spoke really fast, like maybe I wouldn't hear her that way. "They need to animate the roach."

YEEEEEK! An hour and a half to go and they were animating roaches? Seeing my face, the hellcat
suddenly started purring: "Weeell...I guess I could cheat another half hour out of my shift."

Oh joy! A whole half hour!

"Could you just....do the Big O?" I croaked.

Nope. Not yet they couldn't. But damned if they didn't at approximately five-forty. We had to cut two scenes, but otherwise, guess what? We actually shot the video! I mean, they did.

There was only one other tiny mishap. At ten of six, The Star raced to the bathroom to change and next thing you know, wild shrieks issued out of there. This from a woman who'd work with roaches! I was pretty sure she'd broken a leg, but e. knew exactly what the problem was. "Looked in the mirror, didn't you?" she asked. "With the granny pants on."

Yep. She had. Some things are worse than roaches.

MOVE OVER, CECIL B.-- DAY ONE

2010-11-17T14:54:00.000-08:00

Since half the fun of being an ebook publisher (I thought) would be making little movies, I couldn't wait till we shot the video to enhance PHONE KITTEN, a hilarious mystery by Marika Christian. The book's about Emily, a sweet but slightly nerdy girl who ends up doing phone sex after losing her job, and finds herself in the middle of a murder. So here's what we thought: A three-minute movie showing what a phone sex worker really does while fulfilling fantasies. Pretty funny, n'est-ce pas?

We held auditions, found the perfect actress, who I'll call K, cajoled B., a well-known producer, into wrangling the camera, and hired L, who's worked in local TV for twenty or more years, to do lights.

It was going to be down-and-dirty, the e-guerrilla way--half a day to dress the set, half a day to rehearse, and a day to shoot. E. and I scrambled till 1 p.m., producing a cozy phone kitten nest. Please note the pink princess cover and Edgar Allen Poe doll.

Good, said B, and ditto the disgusting phallic cactus. But she thought the roach looked a little fake. We could live with that, but then K. was overcome by a rogue attack of shyness. Couldn't fake orgasm if you paid her (which we were going to, but not much). All seemed lost until e. thought to ask politely if K. ever indulged in spirits. It seemed the kitten did. Well, then, would K. like a tiny libation to loosen things up? K. lit up, and three vodka-and-cranberries later, the big O was roaring out of her. While she mopped.

Okay then! We were ready for the big time. B. left with an admonition to look sharp by 8 a.m. the next day and don't forget the muffins and coffee. I was thinking about celebrating with my own libation when the phone rang. I knew it couldn't be good. No way it could be good, especially when I saw it was K. Yep, she was backing out. She thought she could do it, but she just couldn't. She'd realized she probably couldn't run for president if she went through it. Or even the Board of Education. She sounded like she'd had quite a few more pink drinks.

I had one of those weird dissociations like you get sometimes. You know, you break a leg and notice the run in your pantyhose. I suddenly realized she'd gone home wearing the pink granny pants so essential to the plot. But wait a minute, the plot was still lying soggily on the page. It wasn't going anywhere.

And then the phone rang again. It was e., from her local in the Lower Garden District. "You want the show to go on?" she said. "Here's what we're gonna do..."

Stay tuned for Day Two: WHY THEY CALL IT DRAMA

LIT YOU LOVE TO HATE

2010-10-09T15:07:00.000-07:00

About the time the Earth cooled, there was a writer named Judith Krantz, who introduced a kind of book that came to be known as "shop-and-fool around". Actually, we weren't nearly so delicate as to say "fool around," but I'm going to here, to preserve decorum online. Those books were a lot of fun, guilty pleasures for those who are prone to literary guilt (I personally am not). But you know what isn't fun? S&F for kids. Gossip Girl kind of books, books in which kids have no parents, drink and freak around at will, and wear clothes they buy for the cost of cars in Krantz's time. To be honest, it's not the drinking and sex that bothers me so much--I've been known to pen the odd spot of gritty realism myself--it's the relentless materialism. And the unconscionable parenting. Who lets their kid loose with a credit Barney's credit card and why?

This is not the only literary convention that makes my eyes glaze over, or my teeth clench in irritation. Here are my top five, in no particular order:

1. S&F FOR KIDS

2. THE 'SURPRISE!-I'M-DEAD' ENDING. I guess you could call it the ghost narrator. Listen, if you're dead, how can you be telling this story? Even Archy the cockroach had to bang his head on one key at a time to get the job done, so how does a sad mess of ectoplasm do it? It's plain disconcerting, and as much of a cheat as a deus ex machina. In fact, I guess it kind of is one.

3. THE SCIENCE FICTION GAY YARN. In this one, everybody's gay--the hero's clients, brother, sister, uncle, friends, even the homeless person he helps, as well as the victims of any murders (though not necessarily the villain), and half the cops. In real life, gays and lesbians comprise about 10 per cent of the population and though like tends to seek out like, I'm talking about books that go way beyond that--in fact that postulate a world in which straight people are the ten per centers. Kind of fun, I guess, if you're a fan of gay lit for itself, but if you read it for literary merit, ultimately dishonest. I guess I should I should mention I'm not homophobic, or how would I know this? You have to read gay lit to know what's in it. I'd rather read Sandra Scopettone or Greg Herren (neither of whom is guilty) than most writers. I just like my science fiction so labelled.

4. SERIAL KILLER BOOKS IN WHICH WE KNOW WHAT THE UNSUB IS THINKING. I don't care! In fact, I already know. I've been reading serial killer books all my life, and ground on this was broken early in my reading career. There's no new ground to break. These guys are all the same--evil, bad, crazy, nuts, insane, and much, much worse--insanely boring.

5. THE ALTERNATE UNIVERSE THAT ISN'T. We're living exactly as we actually do, Except For One Thing, the Thing that's the premise of the exercise. I don't mean magic, we all know magic is real, I certainly don't mean vampires, they're thick as mosquitoes in my neighborhood. I mean any preposterous thing that really could happen in a few years if things continue to go wrong, but hasn't yet. So here we are in 2010 with, say, a king instead of a president, an evil but genial ruler who orders dissidents murdered by day and by night guest stars on Jimmy Fallon. Or maybe live snuff shows have replaced baseball as the new national pastime. (The ultimate reality show, get it?) Not just clones being raised as organ donors, I'm down with that sort of thing--Something That Changes Everything. And why? For the convenience of an author who played a game of "what if" and lost. Listen, guys, show a little ambition--go out there and....you know...at least change the date or something.

WE WENT LIVE!

2010-10-04T20:18:00.000-07:00

It's been almost ten months to the day since a friend and I said to each other,"Let's become digital publishers," and today we published our first book. Who knew how hard it would be just to get a website up? It's been a long and fascinating road, but www.booksbnimble.com --now its name can be told!-- today exists in cyberspace. Go there now. Buy a book.

You can actually do that. Not only that, the most amazing thing to me is that that book didn't exist in saleable form six hours ago. What we did was, we finally hooked up the store to the website (or to be perfectly honest, e. did--matter of fact, she built the whole thing with her bare hands) and then we (okay, e.) formatted it as a pdf, and we put it on our virtual shelves and we bought a copy with our little plastic card. I don't think I've been this excited since I the first time I held a book I'd written myself in my hands.

This was just an experiment, of course, to see how things were going to work. In a few days, we're going to have much fancier formats for that book--Marika Christian's PHONE KITTEN, by the way, a hilarious and delightful comic mystery--and in no time at all, we're enhancing it with the world's cutest video (really!). But you can still buy it, read it now, and get the video-enhanced version (or if you prefer, a link to the video) by going to our store, clicking on "contact us", and asking for a free update when they're available. (Actually, you can't do that quite yet. Maybe tomorrow--we need to hook up the e-mail first.) But you CAN buy the book. I would like to emphasize that. booksBnimble exists and has a book for sale.

If you want to write us to tell us what we're doing wrong (or better yet, to congratulate us), maybe do it on our FaceBook page--we have one!-- or here, since we don't yet have working email.

Meanwhile, buy PHONE KITTEN! You'll love it.

POST-KATRINA LIT

2010-09-13T15:54:00.000-07:00

I seem to be undergoing an identity crisis. This blog, originally meant to chronicle electronic adventures, will henceforth address itself also to the larger issues (and non-issues) of the literary world, since it develops that twice in a week I've been unable to resist. Even Mike Shatzkin, the 600-pound gorilla in the e-pub world, sometimes talks about baseball. So this guerrilla feels free.

Let us now give our attention to a piece in the New Republic by a staffer named Chloe Schama, in which Ms. Schama wonders why no "major literary figures" have tackled the aftermath of Hurricane Katrina, in sharp contrast to the way they wrote about 9/11. "In fact," Ms. Schama writes, "the literary response to Hurricane Katrina has been almost non-existent."

As a New Orleanian, I'd have to agree that there isn't nearly enough post-Katrina lit out there, but I'd submit first that there's a lot more than Ms. Schama seems aware of and second, that the fault may not lie so much with the writers as with the prevailing attitude of New York editors and possibly agents. I think we should establish that she's talking about fiction, although she is grateful for Dave Eggers' Zeitoun, which isn't fiction. Actually, she just seems grateful that a writer of Eggers' stature took on the issue. But I think what she's missing is that there are probably only three writers she'd probably consider "major literary figures" who are actually qualified to write a credible Katrina novel.

New Orleans being the extremely tricky and many-layered can of worms it is, Eggers was smart to go the non-fiction route. The Treme crew has gone to great lengths to make sure they portray the city properly, and yet Treme, though widely loved here, is also roundly criticized for every bit of misplaced minutiae. Offhand, I can think of four "major literary figures" who actually could write about the disaster with the confidence of an insider, but since one is Anne Rice, I'd have to guess that Ms. Schama wouldn't find her literary enough (though you could hardly get more major). Ms. Rice could do it, though--she's written some good mainstream novels in addition to her paranormal material. The other three are Valerie Martin, who grew up in Lakeview, as thoroughly annihilated as the Ninth Ward; Richard Ford, a sometime resident who has deep roots not only in the community, but in local political life; and Robert Olen Butler, who's already won the Pulitzer for a book set in New Orleans. Frankly, if a major literary figure who didn't have that kind of connection tried to take it on, the results might well be laughable. Let's hope to hear from these four one day. I can only thank other "majors" for staying out of this thing.

But I wonder if a lot of "minors" haven't been heard from because there is simply no taste in the world of New York publishing for post-Katrina angst. I can guarantee you there wasn't some years ago when I proposed such a novel myself. I was shot down before I could get the last syllable of "Katrina" out. Maybe Ms. Schama's right--no one wants to hear what a mere mortal might have to say about it, and no literary god has yet stepped forward.

But a lot of others have. She did acknowledge Tom Piazza's City of Refuge and something else she described as "a comic book," not even a graphic novel. Since she mentioned the comic book, I'm going to decide that she isn't a literary snob, she just doesn't know about the many books and short stories that have made it through the Big Pub sausage-grinder. One of the first on the scene was Patty Friedmann's very good but highly under-appreciated A Little Bit Ruined.

New Orleans Noir, a book I myself edited, contained no fewer than eight post-K short stories, every one of which I commend not only to Ms. Schama, but to anyone. Two post-K books have become best-sellers, that I know of, one by James Lee Burke, the other by Erica Spindler. Other authors who've honorably tackled the subject are Tony Dunbar, Greg Herron, and Jean Redmann. And it's also notable that Ellery Queen Mystery Magazine devoted a whole issue to New Orleans, containing several post-K stories.

I doubt Ms. Schama ever heard of EQMM, as it's affectionately known, so I'm cutting her slack for that. But what about every other book and story in the preceding paragraph? They're all mysteries, thus not "major," but then again she did mention the comic book as well as the movie Bad Lieutenant, noir by every description. So by Ms. Schama's own standards, surely these works should count if those do.

LATE TO THE FRANZEN FEUD

2010-09-08T08:29:00.000-07:00

Late, but I have new info! Well, new to me, though possibly not to Jennifer Weiner, who it will be remembered, along with Jodi Picoult, took on the early canonization of Jonathan Franzen sometime in the distant past. AKA last week. Their point, or one of them, was their distress at not, as women, getting enough respect from the literary establishment. I was particularly struck by something Weiner said, which to paraphrase, was that she was no Jonathan Franzen, but why couldn't she be treated as well as Nick Hornby or Jonathan Tropper?

At the time, I had no opinion, having read one Picoult, almost all of Weiner, and one Hornby, with varying degrees of enjoyment. But no Tropper. However, I did have a copy of Tropper's THIS IS WHERE I LEAVE YOU on my TBR pile. So I picked it up, ripped through it, and loved it! Yet also found that Weiner not only has a point, she has a major, scary point.

Omigod, that was a funny book! I thought I'd die when the D-cup mom having the affair with the female neighbor at her husband's shiva gives her kid a tube of K-Y jelly along with with tips on how to masturbate at Friday night dinner! Completely rolled on the floor.

It's actually the kind of thing Weiner can do just as well. But I have a feeling if she had, reviewers would have sneered. Tropper's book's a coming-of-age story about a 35-year-old guy, practically a genre, and a well-respected one. But if someone tried to write about a woman as whiny and distant as Tropper's hero, she'd get slapped around, I'm pretty sure. (Not meant as a criticism of Tropper; I have personally known a number of immature and self-pitying, although very smart 35-year-old males, especially when I was 35, so I know this is a phenomenon that needs to be addressed.)

Women in literature have to be somehow Better. Because if they're not, their biographers will be dismissed as trivial. If Weiner wrote a book about a family sitting shiva, in which all the characters were over the top, the heroine was basically a princess who needed to grow up, and by the end of the book, actually had grown up a bit, at least realized she had "options", as Mr. Tropper rather unsubtly put it, I think she'd be dismissed as commercial, trivial, and formulaic. Or perhaps the book wouldn't be reviewed at all.

I'll take Weiner's word for it that the NEW YORK TIMES hasn't treated her as well as the guys, because in a five-minute search, I couldn't find the reviews to confirm it and didn't want to spend all day on it--Tropper's came up right away, so maybe that means something. But I guess that's even a bit irrelevant. Tropper's book was a great beach read--and in fact, that was where I read it. But isn't it weird to hear that? Can guys' books (other than those of Nicholas Sparks and thrillers) be beach reads? Let me tell you something: If that book had a heroine instead of a hero, no matter who wrote it, it would have been so considered. The problem may not be with women authors so much as the perception of female experience, period. But that shouldn't be a surprise.

Still, it was. I was actually kind of shocked. In researching this piece I came across this amazing quote from the young and evidently oblivious female writer C.E. Morgan: "Male genius has far outnumbered female genius in the history of literature." Morgan went on to pronounce that this kind of discussion would stop if women would simply produce "more work of indisputable genius."

Aside from her grammatical issues, Morgan couldn't possibly know any of that, and she'd know she couldn't if she had the slightest grounding in what used to be called women's studies, though now I wonder if it exists at all. C.E.-cakes, listen up--feminists of yore tried tirelessly to get across the simple point that since men have consistently controlled the standards, sure, they've patted themselves on the back; sure they've considered women's books trivial, sure they've hired female reviewers with similar sensibilities. How many female geniuses have gone unsung and maybe unpublished no one knows. And Genius is always disputable--look at the Franzen skirmish. Plus, there's the small matter of perception of what constitutes genius, which, in a lesser way is one of Weiner's points. Only she's not talking genius, just fair recognition.

Evidently these early pioneers failed miserably. I'm horrified that we're having this discussion in 2010.

PHONE SEX AFTERNOON

2010-08-10T21:34:00.000-07:00

Last Saturday's shenanigans, an afternoon sangria party at our offices (aka my house), were all about video. Excited by the prospect of video enhancement for our first book, we auditioned actresses. "Let's just place an ad on craigslist," said e., our marketing director, "and see who answers." Well, who knew how many would? Especially given the delicate subject matter. Because here's what they were getting into: The book's a very funny, not even slightly salacious chick-lit mystery, but the heroine, fallen on hard times, is temporarily forced to make a living by giving good phone. If you catch my drift.

Ten answered, that's how many! And they knew in advance they were going to be walking into a shabby building in an edgy neighborhood to simulate phone sex in front of a bunch of strangers. Well, probably they didn't know the neighborhood would be quite so edgy, and probably one or two chickened out at the door. But here's to the plucky girls who didn't. e. had told them the schlumpier they looked, the better their chances, and some even came in pajamas.

Well, we found the girl. The exact right, perfect girl, a young mother who came with her sister because who knew what kind of maniacs would advertise for dirty-talking schlumps? She was adorable! It was exhilarating!

That is, till we got our first estimate for the video. Good grief, if I had that kind of money, I'd forget about ebooks and be a print publisher. Or better yet, abandon publishing altogether and just have a facelift. Yes, it was THAT expensive, for a three minute video. I'll bet whole movies have been made for less!

No problem, of course, because we're guerrillas. We'll find guerrilla videographers, even if they turn out to be e. and me. Surely there's a crash course somewhere we can bull our way into. Because we're committed to video, controversial as it is. (More about that in a later post.) But why is video controversial? Because some people think books just. don't. need it. What we think is that not only can it enhance a book, it can help sell it.

I'm new at this, but I'm not aware of any other publishers using their videos (except for trailers) as marketing devices. Can't imagine why not, though. Seems like a natural. Does someone know more about this than I do?

CAMO IS THE NEW NEUTRAL

2010-08-02T08:52:00.000-07:00

We're tough-minded publishing professionals here at our e-publishing start-up, armed and ready for the coming digital revolution. But we're still from New Orleans. And where we come from, when the going gets tough, the tough get into costume. Last weekend, five of us had occasion to be together for our version of American Idol--except with acting, not singing. We were auditioning performers for our first embedded video. Naturally, with so many of us in one room, a photo op was declared

Want to see what an e-guerrilla looks like? That's Janet, left, in the all-camo dress. (Some might call it a fashionable python print, but pythons call it camo.) Nevada was elegant in black lace with her camo pants and hat, Adrienne went all Rambo with that headband thing and a cigarette, while Elizabeth channelled her inner Tania in a simple olive pashmina worn as a tunic. And me? I'd forgotten how empowered I feel in purple combat boots.

E-Guerrillas On a Break

Left, E-Guerrillas on a Break from Fomenting Digital Revoution


Guerrilla Dog Ready For Action

Janet's holding our camp mascot, Rambla "Che" Bookdog, but Rambla's pink camo hat came out looking like some kind of wimpy sunbonnet. So here are a couple of better views:

Rambla--Pretty in Pink

VIEW FROM THE OTHER SIDE --PART ONE

2010-07-19T15:02:00.000-07:00

Being a wannabe publisher is like Freaky Friday sometimes--I'm definitely in somebody else's body and they're in mine. What writer hasn't suffered the ignominy of the Dread Title Change? And for no better reason than to sell books! If only they hadn't done it on my first book, slyly titled THE FEMINIST BORDELLO! Great title for a mystery, right? Kind of like those intriguing old Peter Dickinson titles, like THE GLASS-SIDED ANTS' NEST or THE YELLOW ROOM CONSPIRACY.

Well, my publisher definitely wasn't into intriguing and certainly wasn't into old. Nor did they appreciate the subtle humor. But you get it, right? (See, there's no such thing as a...oh, never mind.) They thought the "feminist" part would turn people off and "bordello" was a word nobody would know. Seriously. Even though there was a pretty good chance that person buying a book would be literate.

They wanted a title that said "mystery". Not sly, intellectual mystery, like Peter Dickinson might write. Kind of generic, everyday mystery like some American...though surely not me!...would create. And so began the lists and tears. They went with DEATH TURNS A TRICK. To this day, I hate that title.

Then one day I started a new series, set in New Orleans, which, due to a high-profile Mardi Gras murder, I called BLOODY CARNIVAL. Okay, even I knew that was lousy. I really wanted FAREWELL TO THE FLESH, you know, like they say at Lent, when people give up meat? And also if someone were killed... well, how descriptive can you get, right? Wrong. So very wrong. Nobody got it. Nobody liked it. They went with NEW ORLEANS MOURNING, considered by many to be my cleverest title. It still makes me cringe.

So can you guess where this is going? You're probably already chortling, especially if you've ever been my editor, because you know I'm getting payback. The lists and tears have started again.

Why is is that we can sit here in our office and see clearly that the author's title won't work, and be unanimous on the subject? And the author's friends and family are similarly unanimous? Will someone explain this phenomenon to me? It's exactly like when your writers' group and all your writer friends love your book, but everyone in New York thinks it sucks.
Is there a name for this thing?

Blinking In the Sunlight

2010-07-06T06:21:00.001-07:00

It's a rude shock coming out of your cave after twenty-odd years. By that, I mean making the decision to go from the solitary slog of writing alone to the intricate choreography of collaboration--in my case, working with eight other e-guerrillas to start a digital publishing house. It's really weird how I'm craving both things--solitude on the one hand, teamwork on the other.

I'm never happier than when I'm at my desk with no one but Rambla (There she is... up there). And yet it's so exciting to bash things around with smart people! My adrenal glands haven't worked so hard since my reporting days.

But the down side of that is: Personnel Problems. We've had 'em here. We have no website yet, but boy have we been through designers; and would-be designers; and tryout designers. Nothing wrong with their designs, just problems being on everyone's back burner, due, no doubt, to our being so unwilling to part with shekels we might need for something we might not yet even know exists.

For instance, who knows how much formatting's going to cost? That is, specialized formatting for the new literary forms we're working on. And the kind of wild and crazy videos we want to make. (Do I sound mysterious? I hope so.)

Not only do we have practically no budget, it's a matter of pride with us, as e-guerrillas, to do this as cheaply as we possibly can. And so when we sat we're bootstrapping, we mean we're pinching pennies till they bruise. We're trying to do trades for whatever we can, and also begging a lot, and promising. There's a lot of promising going on, which, alas, can't be fulfilled until we get the site up.

But the good news is, it might not be long. We might actually be stabilizing. We have a fantastic new marketing director with a wonderful take-charge attitude, who simply slipped her tiny feet into a pair of combat boots and said, "Hey, let me take a crack at it." and came back in forty-eight hours with the site half-done. Woo-hoo! Girl Power!

And now we're forming an in-house writers' group, critiquing our own work not only for own venture, but for Big Pub as well. The idea is to get our interns and new kids ready to go pro, as well as learn a new way of working for own venture. We're trying to learn to write in teams.

A bit of clarification here. We don't intend to be primarily self-publishers--we've already acquired three fantastic novels for our launch, plus a terrific little how-to book. But certain things you just have to do for yourself. Three of us, for instance, are working on a book told in two blogs (real ones) and a dog's POV. Well, actually, it could end up being four of us--the dog has a canine friend and someone wants him to have voice too. So that's four writers, plus a videographer. (When you're talking dogs, you've got to have a videographer.)

You can't farm that baby out. And who would want to, anyhow? Doesn't it sound like fun? Or am I crazy?

E-Bookonomics

2010-05-27T11:54:00.000-07:00

Today I did something so weird I probably shouldn't talk about it in public. It was one woman's fit of pique, but it does bring up issues. I went to the Kindle store to buy Thomas Perry's new book, STRIP, which I am frankly perishing to read. I'm a long-time fan of Perry's and it isn't often he writes a funny book, but this one sounds like the biggest side-splitter since METZGER'S DOG. So you'd think I'd pay anything, right? Certainly $9.99 for the convenience of being able to get it NOW, without driving to a bookstore or waiting for the mail.

Well, I would have. Gladly. But the Kindle edition was $14.30! I wasn't ready for that. Sure, I knew all about the electronic price wars, I just hadn't yet been hit in the pocketbook. I realized that if I waited for the paperback edition, I could get two for very little more and have one to give away. Plus a real object to keep and cherish. I balked. I wouldn't do it. I thought about the implications for the rest of us, too. What if that were me? How are any of us going to make a living when....you know, there isn't any print. (You've gotta consider the worst case.) Okay, the question came up, but I didn't think it was going to be by charging the cost of two paperbacks for a licensed non-object you can't even lend. I didn't buy the book, but I didn't cost Perry a sale either. I'm still going to buy it--but in hardcover, which may be what his publishers intend.

Still, I was shopping in the Kindle store because I wanted something to read NOW. Well, I knew where to find a cheap book. I read J.A. Konrath's hard-sell marketing the same as we all do. So I went and bought one of his books for $1.99. Take that, Big Pub! (But don't take it amiss--I love ya, babe, I'm not like Konrath, I just want you to get real.)

On the other hand, what if Konrath's wrong? What if, sometime in the future, people really are willing to pay large bucks for a virtually non-existent commodity? Well, if I that's where the market goes, I'll probably go with it-- after all, I just saved twelve bucks and 31 cents toward a huge digital purchase--but that time isn't now.

Now a blogger

2010-04-19T15:02:00.000-07:00

Here's my first post.

2010-04-19T13:59:00.000-07:00

BLAST-OFF!

Two ways to look at publishing these days: Either it's circling the drain or this is a very, very exciting time in its history.

Do you just hate the breathless way the latter notion is always uttered? Me too, but I think I'm going with it. For one thing, Big Pub has too much invested to let it die. Granted, they've been slow to make the changes the digital age demands, but eventually they'll adjust, and we'll still have books to read, different as they might look. The interim, though, is a great time for e-guerrillas to hit the streets.

And so, very slowly and painfully, I'm attempting to get my boots on the ground. Pretty soon now I plan to be an actual publisher of electronic books. What a terrifying metamorphosis. Me, a mid-career writer (check out www.juliesmithauthor.com ) attempting such a thing! Such hubris. But such an adventure. My heart speeds up as I type. Can I pull this thing off?

I don't want to publish merely good books, I want many of them to be special books, books you can only publish electronically, because they'd either be impossible to publish conventionally--as in video-enhanced books--or impractical, like maybe too short or too long; or too expensive. My hubris knows no bounds! And the same is true of my terror.

It wasn't so scary when the project first began, but I had a partner then. The problem is, one day she woke up sane.

Thinking back, I'm going to date the beginning of all this to my birthday, when my husband gave me a Kindle. I bragged to my friend Chris, and she had quite a little rejoinder: It seemed her husband had given her one a month earlier. She was already in love. It's one thing to know about technology, but quite another to actually experience its potential. (Whoa. Don't go away--this is not a Kindle ad. I can't wait to get an Ipad.) What I mean is, both of us suddenly got it that e-books are here to stay, and that that could be a good thing. We hadn't thought if it as good before. But suddenly it occurred to us simultaneously that lamenting the demise of print books won't change anything, though who says they're dead? I'm still buying way too many. What may be dying is Publishing As It's Always Been. But then again that's been true for about twenty years, since the conglomerates took over just about every major house in New York.

Everyone we know in New York seems in a swamp of despair right now-- the daily word is that more and more people are being laid off, publishers aren't buying books from even well established authors, and the sky is falling faster than Icelandic ash. So here's what we thought: Let's do what we wish they were doing. Be innovative; be nimble; find news ways to publish books. And so one crazy day, we decided to just do it-- start our own e-publishing company. That's the adventure I want to chronicle in this blog.

That was about November and Chris dropped out as a managing partner a month ago (though she remains as an adviser), but in that short time we've gotten a terrific amount of enthusiastic help and actually acquired some books. Really good books, but more about that later. We can't sell them till we have a proper website and right now we have only what I thought was a beta site, but our intern Mack says is really more of an alpha thing. I didn't even know that term!

Meanwhile, I'm on a learning curve that's got me gasping for breath.